swandiving

Baby Fishlips

This is the funniest thing I've seen all week.  An American mocking a Brit, there's something new and different.  My favorite caption: "Hm! Clinton would have had my bra undone half a minute ago."

As you can see, I haven't collapsed this site yet.  I was pretty downtrodden and depressed last night, but I'm feeling slightly better today.  Still mulling it over, but I'm leaning towards giving this whole blogging thing another go.  Who knows, I may get the hang of it yet.

She finally posted something!

That's right, I've written a new post at long last. Bet you thought I'd never get around to posting anything again. Well, you were almost right. Last night as I lay in bed, unable to sleep because I had just watched another 5 episodes of 24 on DVD (who can sleep after all that tension??), I decided I was going to give up on this blog once and for all. Sometimes I cringe to think that it even still exists. I read some excellent blogs every day, ones that make me laugh, cry and sometimes gasp in horror. They authors of these blogs all have one thing in common: they are able to write about their everyday experiences in a way that makes them seem special and unique and interesting. I am totally lacking that skill. I read my entries and they seem so hollow and artificial. I think I am too much of a private person for the world of blogs, I'm not brave enough to share my thoughts and feelings with The Internet (although that's exactly what I'm doing at this very moment - insomnia-induced honesty I guess). I also don't find myself or my daily life very interesting. So, I've been thinking of giving up.

Still, as I approach my 30th birthday, I lament the fact that I gave up journal writing about 5 years ago. I think I stopped writing mostly because I was going through a time in my life where I never had a free moment to myself, and also because I was experiencing emotions too painful and complex to sort out in a notebook. I got through that period, and the last three years of my life have been the happiest and fullest years I could have ever imagined. But I didn't get back into the habit of writing, and now I have no written record of all the happy times I had. I still remember most of them, but as time goes on, I feel them slowly fading away from me.

So what's my point? Not sure. I think I'm trying to decide whether to keep going, or to just admit complete defeat here. What do you think, Internet? Do you gain any special satisfaction or reward from blogging? Or would a private journal give you the same results? I am not fishing for reassurances or compliments (or insults!) here. I want to know why people really blog. Is it pure egotism? Is it the desire to share? What has blogging done for you lately?

This time away in another country has really taught me a lot about myself. Some good things, some not so good. I don't know if it's being unemployed, approaching thirty, getting married, or all of the above, but I've been very introspective and analytical about life lately. I have this overwhelming sense that I have done so many things all wrong, that my twenties flew by and left me unprepared for the rest of the battle. In many ways I am very lucky - I am marrying my best friend and partner in everything, and I've had the opportunity to experience a different culture. But when it comes to "real life" and what to do with it, I'm lost. So many times lately I have wished that I could stop the clock, or just turn back the clock about three years, and do things differently - go to graduate school, change jobs, do something that would make me more prepared for the next phase of my life. Instead I'm playing catch up, trying to hurry and figure something out that I could have and should have figured out a long time ago. Flying by the seat of my pants has been my modus operandi for most of my life, and now I'm coming to realize that it's just not going to cut it anymore.

Twinkle, Twinkle Little.....Tower

Did you know that the Eiffel Tower TWINKLES at night? Apparently this has been going on since the beginning of the new millenium and I had no idea. It was a wonderful surprise! I don't know if twinkle is even the right way to describe it. Sparkle might be more appropriate, because that's what it looks like from a distance, but when you are closer, it seems like the whole thing is covered in strobe lights. See for yourself - here's a quick little 30 second movie of the sparkling, twinkling, raving Eiffel Tower. Download 101_0122.AVI

Joie de Vivre

Bonjour!  Me rappèle?  I'm writing to you today from Paris, the city of love and lights.  Mike and I jumped on the Eurostar on Saturday and began our four day jaunt around this beautiful city.  We've been staying in a few different hotels in the Latin Quarter, and we've spent our days walking all over the city.  We've been to the Louvre and Notre Dame, and tonight we're going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.  So far every Parisian we've encountered has been absolutely lovely, not rude at all, even to this little American.  I've found that the trick is to try to speak French, even if you completely butcher the language as I do - they appreciate the effort.  And have I mentioned the cheese?  Oh the glorious cheese.  It's amazing.  I've been eating beaucoup de yummy cheese at every meal.  This place is paradise on earth for a cheese hound like me.

I have been so lax with updating this blog lately, I haven't posted anything about my new life in London yet.   This is mostly due to the fact that we don't have internet access in our flat yet, we have to go to the local internet cafe each day to check email, and in Mike's case, to work.  We're hoping to get that sorted out sometime next week.   The extent of my internet addiction is really sad - occasionally I open up my laptop and go from window to window, pathetically hoping to pick up on a neighbor's wireless connection.  I don't think internet connections are their highest priority - there are more window satellite dishes than wireless networks in our development.   Other than that, I think we've settled into our new lives pretty well.  I started doing an MA in Sociology at the London School of Economics, but after a few weeks I realized that the program really wasn't for me.  I was just going to waste a lot of time and money if I stayed, so I withdrew.  I'm really happy with my decision, even though my life lacks the structure it once had.  My plan for the moment is just to take it easy until after Christmas.  I'm getting aquainted with London, and with myself a bit.  I'm thinking about what I want to do with my life, including where I want to be in five years and how best to get there.  In the new year, I will probably take some computer courses, maybe in web development or database management.  It's weird having no fixed committments or obligations, but very liberating!  This is the first time I've been unemployed since I was 13 years old (no exaggeration), and I thought that it would drive me a little crazy not to have any income or purposeful work, but actually I'm enjoying the hell out of it!  I was so completely burnt out and spent when we left Washington, I feel like I deserve this little bit of time to relax and refocus myself.  Of course, none of this would be possible without Mike.  He is still working all the time, writing lots of articles and teaching one day a week.  In fact, he's sitting right here next to me in this little French internet cafe, plugging away towards a deadline.  I'm immensely grateful for his hard work and his financial support of our union.  I feel really guilty too.  I couldn't work if I wanted to though, because of stupid visa restrictions, so for now all I can do is support him in his work and try to make his life easier in any way that I can - ie I make sure he's fed, clothed, watered and rested.  As soon as we're married (in 5 months and 21 days, to be exact!), I'll return to the working world and start raking in the cash again, somehow!

Tomorrow we head back to London.  I must say that although I do like London a lot, I much prefer Paris.  It's more my kind of city, and not just because of the cheese!  I love the cafe society, the nuanced blend of old and new worlds, and, believe it or not, I love Parisians and their attitudes.  I'd love to spend more time here, work on my French and absorb more of the culture.  Who knows, maybe I'll get that chance someday.....

More dispatches to come soon, I promise.  Au revoir!

Mike wrote a great post today - check out some additional pictures and commentary on his site

Tomorrow's our last day in Santorini. Bright and early Sunday morning we head back to London. I'll be sad to leave this little paradise. It's been a great experience for us both. We'll go back to civilization a bit saner, browner, and fitter than we were a mere week ago. Thank God for that!

More soon.....

Greetings from Santorini!

Kalaspera!! Mike and I are writing to you from our villa in the small village of Oia in Santorini. We're currently sitting on our balcony that overlooks the vast volcanic caldera (the large lagoon created by a volcanic eruption in 1140 BC). It's the perfect combination of old world charm and modern day convenience - our villa is a cool, stone cave dwelling that has existed for over a century, but we have a wireless internet connection!! Sweet! Here are a few of the many pictures we've taken so far (click on the thumbnails for the full size photo):

The view from our balcony.

The internet addict strikes again.

One of the many domed churches that dot the Oia skyline - this one is a stones throw from our villa.

Oia is famous for its gorgeous sunsets. Hundreds of people line the streets every night to catch the sun as it sinks beneath the waves.

Mike and I have found that the best way to view the sunset is at a rooftop bar with cocktails in hand. Ahhhhh.....

That's it for now, more to come soon! We are here until Sunday, and then we head back to Blighty. Must enjoy the sun while we can!!

FREE AT LAST!

That's right, I am officially unemployed. How sweet it is!!! I'm sitting here in Tryst, among the unemployed/freelancers/students that I have envied for years now. It's freakin' brilliant!! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. Yesterday was the first Sunday I have really and truly enjoyed in such a long time. Past Sundays were tainted by the lurking sense of dread that the weekend was coming to an end, and that I'd have to go back to the dungeon on Monday. Not anymore!! I will never fear a Monday again! I am filled with enthusiasm and hope for the future that lies ahead. In a few short weeks we'll be settling into a new stage in our lives - I'll be a student, Mike will be a professor - and we'll be getting into full wedding planning mode. I can't wait!!

Ok maybe I've had a few too many lattes this morning, there are a lot of exclamation marks in that last paragraph. Can you tell that I am VERY excited??!! Ha. I'm even excited to go back to our apartment and pack and clean, some of my least favorite chores. But the more I pack and the more I ship and the more I give to Goodwill means the more real, more tangible this whole move becomes to me. After all this time, it's really happening. I'm not even a little appreshensive of all these big changes that are about to take place. I've been waiting and wishing and muddling through life for so long now, I am ready to embrace any change or challenge that awaits me.

It's been a strange summer. I can't believe it's almost the end of August, but at the same time, I can't believe it took so long to get here! The past three months have been some of the longest and most aggravating of my life. My job has been increasingly irritating and stressful, especially since I gave them my notice SIX WEEKS ago. As soon as everyone found out I was leaving, the shit hit the fan. I thought I was doing them a favor by giving them lots of advance warning, but really I just made life way more difficult for myself. See, it turns out that everyone knew that I was carrying the weight of the whole department, and when they realized that I was about to shrug it all off and flee the country, they all started to panic. My boss hates me because she thinks I've been spreading rumors about her, when in reality everyone knew she was a total fraud all along, because she can't hide her utter lack of skills. It's been rough, to say the least. Mike's been working away at his various jobs and his book all summer, so it hasn't been too easy for him either. Going home at the end of a long day with a muttering, angry, tense fiancee hasn't helped matters much. I've been teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown/fit of uncontrolable rage for at least a month now. He's had to walk on eggshells around me and try to placate me the only way he can - with food! DC is a completely toxic environment for us. We have no friends here really, and no one to blow off steam to except each other. All we do is work and stuff our greedy gobs. If we stayed here we'd definitely be rich, but we'd be dead by 40, I just know it.

Luckily for us, the end is very close at hand. This is my last week at work. Then I have a few days to pack up and ship what little stuff we're bringing to London, and on or about the 2nd of September, I'm heading up to MA to spend a few weeks with my family and friends. I can't wait. I am really looking forward to the long drive up the East Coast. I'm going to rent a car, plug in my iPod, and just cruise for 8-10 hours. I need some solid, unadulterated alone time, just to decompress and literally put hundreds of miles between me and the poison that sits like thick smog over this town. Mike's going to stay here for a few weeks to get some uninterrupted alone time for himself so that he can finish his book without having me following him around or pestering him to entertain me. I'll miss him terribly of course, but I think we'll appreciate each other SO much more after we've had a little space.

The 19th is the big day, our departure from the US. We're leaving Boston in the evening and arriving in London the next morning. After a short layover, we're getting on a plane that lands quickly in Athens before heading on to Crete! Last week, we decided to fit in a quick trip to the Greek Islands before settling in London. See, our original version of this plan was to leave the US in April and travel Europe all summer before settling in London in the fall. Situations kept changing and opportunities kept knocking, so we pushed our departure date up and up, until finally we had no time for a vacation or any kind of travel, we'd just be going straight into school and work as soon as we landed. Now more than EVER we need a freakin' vacation!! So we decided to leave a week earlier than planned, and by the end of the following day, Mike had us booked on flights, ferries and in several hotels. We're landing in Crete, heading out to Santorini for three days, then back to Crete for two days before heading back to London. We're shipping all our stuff straight to London and just bringing beachy summer clothes in backpacks on the flight. I am so very excited, this is exactly what we needed to get us through these last few weeks. I don't know why it seems harder to handle the stress now, when the end is so close, but it's just been unbearable lately. I'm even thinking about picking up smoking again, at least I was a little calmer when I was a smoker. I know, poor me, I have to get through a measley 5 days of work, then faff about for a couple of weeks before going on an exotic vacation and then moving to London. It doesn't sound rough, and it's really not I guess. I've just reached my breaking point with DC and the nature of my daily life, and I'm finding it so hard to hang on. I don't feel like myself anymore - I feel empty and drained and so very dull. I am yearning to find myself again, to become reacquainted with the lively, interesting, spirited girl I think I was once upon a time. 5 more days.....

On another note, I have made the leap and switched to Mac! I am writing to you know from my new iBook G4 laptop, while I'm sitting in Tryst on a lovely Sunday morning, taking advantage of their free wireless internet. I was really nervous about making the switch to a Mac, being that I am so conversent in Windows. I do miss right-clicking, but other than that, I haven't found any other ways in which Windows is superior to Mac. I find the interface much more user friendly, and you really get so much more for your money. I got the high-end version of the iBook, with a huge hard drive and fast processor, and it cost me at least $700 less than a comparable Windows notebook would have. Oh and it's also very cute and it matches my iPod.......

Happy Birthday Mike!

That's right, today is the geezer's birthday! I won't tell you how old he is, in case he's sensitive about becoming an old geezer. Here's a picture of him that I love, taken during my very first visit to London. He's in his most natural environment - dressed in his hoodie top and leather, in a warm English pub with a pint in hand - he looks so relaxed and content. Pretty soon we'll get him back to his homeland so he can be this happy all the time.

I love you, my geezer! You're going to have a fabulous birthday - the best is yet to come!

Home sick today, ugh. I was home yesterday too - seems I have a nasty little stomach bug. The ironic part is that I had planned to call in sick yesterday to go wedding dress shopping with my mom, who's in town for the week. Instead I had to call in sick because I really was sick! So unfair. Still, it's nice to have my mom around to look after me when I'm feeling icky like this.

It's been awhile since my last post, so I've got quite a lot of making up to do here! We've been taking some nice weekend trips, enjoying the scenery and the lovely weather. This past Saturday (which was also our 2 year anniversary!), we drove out to Harper's Ferry. For some reason I thought Harper's Ferry was in Maryland, so I was pretty surprised and excited when we crossed over into West Virginia. I love going to new states, and I've wanted to visit West Virginia for a while now, so I was psyched. Mike put "Country Road" by John Denver on the iPod as we rocked along the Shenandoah River, through the center of a small Civil War-era town. We walked along the canal, into the old town and browsed around a bit. Found a nice little pub where we could have some beers and watch the trains roll alongside the river. Very cool little place, I highly recommend taking a trip out there. It's worth it just for the drive, you get to go through some really rural and scenic parts of Maryland and Virginia.

The previous weekend we spent on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. We stayed on Tilghman Island, at a little retreat called Black Walnut Point Inn. It's a B&B and small cottages on the tip of a penninsula, with the river on one side and the Chesapeake Bay on the other. We found it over the winter, when we took a random trip out there on President's Day weekend. It was freezing cold and the water was iced over so much that it just slushed up on the shore. We loved it immediately and knew we'd go back when the weather was nicer. We've both been ultra stressed and busy lately, so a trip to a quiet island with no computers or cell phone reception was just what we needed! We rented one of the little cottages, which was less than six months old, because the old cottages got destroyed last fall during Hurricane Isabel. The cottages are cedar lined, with high ceilings, huge bedroom, a screened-in porch, and lots of windows. They're built literally less than 5 feet away from the river bank, so we could open the windows and listen to the river lapping against the shore while we slept. It was pure heaven, total relaxation and luxury. We didn't even leave the premises except to run out to get groceries for the weekend. Here are a few pictures we took while there:

This was the view from our bedroom window. The Chesapeake Bay. I spent many hours in this hammock, it was gorgeous. Note the gaping hole - we learned the hard way that it wasn't built for two! One of the best parts of spending the weekend here was watching the bald eagles in their nest across the bay (follow poorly drawn red arrow). Here's the geezer with his monocular watching the two babies and their momma in the nest. The next day there were full grown males circling the nest as well, it was a truly awesome sight. Fighting Half Irish Sweet, sweet revenge. Mike read tales of posessions and exorcisms as the sun set. I made him stop when it got dark because I am superstitious (and a wimp). Sunset over the Chesapeake Bay. Caffeine and carbs, mmmmm. Sheer contentment.

It was one of the best weekends we've had in a long time. The couple who run the place are so nice, and they have the best dog! We were totally envious of them and their lifestyle. I think running a B&B would definitely be hard work, but it would be so rewarding and enjoyable, that the work wouldn't seem like much. I'd love to run a place like this somewhere in New England, like in Vermont or New Hampshire. Once the kids are big enough they can do all the chores!

And now I'm off to the dentist's office, one of my least favorite places in the entire world. It must suck to be a dentist - no one is ever happy to come and see you! I've got major tooth problems, and it's mostly my own fault because I've procrastinated going for so long. Wish me luck and that I come back with as many teeth as I had when I left!